Changed by Purpose, Take a chill pill

Self-Care Pt.1: Take A Chill Pill!

According to society, by the age of 30, I should have been married with at least two kids a long time ago. I should be living in my beautiful home in a gated community with my handsome husband and 2.5 kids, all while killing it in my career and being a girl boss! 

Well that just isn’t my reality. 

30 came and left and I have not met any of societies standards. 

Not living in a gated community…

But I have a pretty great, screened patio! Whoop, Whoop!

Haven’t born any children yet…

I have 3 nephews and tiny little cousins galore so baby fever is nowhere in sight!

Still not married yet…

But my handsome invisible husband-to-be and God are working on it….I think.

Amazing career?

My job pays the bills and I’m in grad school now gaining (student loans, Lord help!) the necessary tools to one day actually be excited to get up and go to work!

So no…I am not where society expects me to be and it took me a long time to be okay with that. 

I’m not one who deals with a lot of peer pressure. If I don’t want to do something, nothing you say can make me do it. My pressure has always been and always is internal. I pressure my own self.

My twenties were spent striving, trying to catch up, trying to feel accomplished by getting my degree, a good job and relationship. But getting those things still left me feeling discontent. 

We pressure ourselves and allow society to make us think that acquiring these things will bring us contentment. 

I can’t count the number of married people I know that are discontent even after saying “I do.” 

Or those college grads who have the degree and close to six-figure job and aren’t happy being alone. 

Once I discovered what the heck I was created for and what my purpose is on this Earth, everything shifted for me.  

I am happy where I am right now because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is where I’m supposed to be.

Am I over school? Soooo over it.

Would I love a pair of warm hairy thighs to curl up to?

Heck yes!

Am I ready to be in my career and have those extra zeros added to my check?

Um yes. Please and thank you!

But is it worth trying to make things happen just to look like I’ve arrived? 

Definitely not. 

Love yourself enough to give yourself a break!

You may not be where society deems you should be but thank God you are where you’re meant to be this very second.

Now by no means do I mean just patty cake through life in the name of not living under pressure. 

Have goals and aim high but decide today that you won’t let pressure be your motivating force. 

Christine A.

I’d love to hear from you. How do you deal with pressures from society? Have you ever felt like you were running behind? Please comment, share and like this post.

 

31 thoughts on “Self-Care Pt.1: Take A Chill Pill!

  1. destinedforgreaterblog says:

    Some much transparency in this piece! I felt like you were talking to me..21 and trying to be superwoman lol. Alot of things you mentioned are on point!

    I am actually currently learning to deal with the preasurres of society. By currently working on my undergrad degree I had to step back and realize my worth is not connected to degree. That this degree does not define me and that reguardless if I complete the degree or not I will still answer the call over my life. Not having a degree can not strip you of your God given pupose on earth . Although I am still in school working on my degree knowing this helped me put things in perspective.

    Well, most of my life I felt like I was running behind because I was always in survival mode but now that I know who I am in Christ.

    Now that I have allowed myself to focus on that one thing God wants me to focus on , I am learning to trust the process, be patient, activate and exercise my faith!

    Love You Christine A.!

    -Porchia

    Liked by 1 person

    • changedbypurpose says:

      Porchia, thank you so much for sharing! When working on a degree we definitely get tunnel vision and think this is what we need to “make it.” But I’m so glad our validation isn’t in titles or status! Knowing our purpose for God will not be shaken always puts things in perspective. Love you sis!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Stacey says:

    All the timeeeeeee ! Sometimes I felt like my life is boring or so low because it’s not up to the hype that society says it needs to be cause it’s like by age 21 or 22 you were suppose to graduate with a bachelor degree and by age 25 you were suppose to be married then by age 26 -27 you were suppose to have your first child then more kids before you reach age 30 then by age 30 you were suppose to have a PHD . Like whattttt???? Ohhhhh no. Finally I realized my life does not belong to what society says and they can say whatever cause what’s best for me is best for me. And I think that is part of the reason what makes people in such a hurry because they feel like their lives is behind compare to others – noooooo, who came up with this stuff ,? Smh but, live your life and enjoy the journey- timing is everything. So , when the right time comes – it will come … Amazing post sis – and you’re 30?!?! No way , you look gooooood ….

    Xoxo,
    Stacey 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    • changedbypurpose says:

      This is true. Which doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing because it can be motivating. But the danger is when we beat ourselves up for not living like others. We all have our own journey and pace 🙂 Thanks so much for reading Rebecca!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Monica Aguinaga says:

    Wow! I really needed to hear this today. Sometimes I feel like I’m behind on life because I’m still single and still figuring out my passions at my age (35), but I also trust the divine timing of God. I know great things are coming and sometimes is hard to see the whole picture just yet.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Whitney C. says:

    I feel like this ALL THE TIME!! Lol but I have to remind myself that despite all the things that I want in life, there are a just as many other things in my life that I can be happy for; and those are the things that I keep in perspective. I try to remember that everything happens in due time, and when it’s meant to happen for me, it will happen. I used to think that certain things were supposed to happen in certain time frames and there are times where anxiety takes over and the whole “oh I’m about to be 30 and I haven’t accomplished this” mindset kicks in; but I try to remind myself that sometimes, that’s not how God sees your life going. Sometimes, He has other plans for you and you just have to go with the flow. So nowadays, I thank God for the breath in my body and the ability to wake up every morning in my right mind and make everyday the best day I can make it! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • changedbypurpose says:

      Whitney, thank you for sharing your experience. Turning 30 is so real but it is so amazing! You are right where He wants you to be. I always think that well maybe I’m not ready for xyz because I would’ve ruined it because I wasn’t mature enough in certain areas. Who knows? But as you said, we can make everyday the best day.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. melissasuemills says:

    What an on time Post!

    I’m 3 months away from turning 30 and it’s been making me question myself. Marriage, kids, career… where is it all? And it gave me such insecurities as I looked at other people my age doing BIG THINGS while I was still stuck on my little blog (that’s what I kept telling myself)

    But God has been making me look at my situation in a different perspective. And I’m in no rush. I need time to grow. And I just have this really good feeling that I’m going to CRUSH my 30’s

    Thank you for your transparency and vulnerability. Love you girl.

    Liked by 1 person

    • changedbypurpose says:

      Melliiiieee! You’re turning 30 soon?! Turn up! Insecurities are normal but our perspective about where we at is a total game changer. You and your “little blog” (insert rolling eyes because you ain’t got no little blog, Miss traveling speaking engagements lady). LOL! Love you sis XOXO

      Like

  6. Brianna says:

    When I was in school I was falling behind with graduation while all my other friends were graduating on time. I spent an extra two semesters in school and I was over it. I then realized that God had a plan in place for my life. Not only did I graduate on His time, but I was offered a job my last semester. At that point I had to acknowledge that God has a time for everything and I have to find my peace in that. Comparing yourself will only allow you to think you are missing something, meanwhile you are right where God wants you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • changedbypurpose says:

      🙂 Comparison always gives you FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). Can you imagine if you graduated earlier? You would’ve been fighting with all those other people for a job. God needed you specifically at that school with those kids smh. He’s so WISE! Thanks for reading my Bri

      Like

  7. Bloggerz Connect says:

    This is such a great post! I feel the same way right now. I just graduated with my Bachelors degree and I’m just so eager to start life. I feel as though I’ve wasted so much time on the wrong things and the wrong people and I just don’t want to waste anymore time. Granted, I’ve been through a lot for someone who is about to turn 22. However, I am trying to be less eager and more relaxed but, it’s hard when you want everything to go your way after having pretty much every aspect of your life go left.

    Liked by 1 person

    • changedbypurpose says:

      Shaienna,
      Thank you for taking the time to read this post 🙂 Congrats on graduating! Enjoy that great accomplishment and reward yourself for a job well done. I think we’re always like on to the next and God is really just trying to get us to slow down and appreciate the wins 🙂 And if everything has been going left, there’s no where else to go but right eventually.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Krista Bel says:

    Wow. I’m in my early twenties looking like a circus clown trying to juggle all these things. I even have this stupid thing where my life has abrupt halts and dead silence. My life has always been in a haste. I finished high school at 13 but I got into college 5 years later.

    I have decided to let God drive this crazy ship. If He says stop, then stop it is. Otherwise, I’m on autopilot. At least that’s what I think. Society has zero say here. It’s not like they’d understand what looks like chaos from the outside.

    God’s time is definitely the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Cheryl says:

    Not the hairy thighssss!!!! I CAN’T….Awesome post!! Very true. Pressure from society and internal pressure can take a negative toll on anyone, myself included. God never changes, his love and his word stays the same everyday. But society’s views are fickle, and once I realized that I was measuring myself against things and people who are inconsistent and I began to rely on God’s word to guide me and define me, life became clearer and internal pressures became less intense. Love the post my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. MissB says:

    Thanks for sharing the link to this post on Twitter.
    It such a great post and I relate to it so much, as I am also on my 30’s and do feel the pressure that society puts on me, or for this matter, on us women. Not long ago, I wrote my view on this. If you are interested, I’ll leave the link here: http://portysdiary.blogspot.com/2017/04/you-vs-society-what-is-expected-once.html

    Bottom line; we should live our lives the way we want and at our own timing; that’s my motto!

    xo, B.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Markesia Barron says:

    Beautiful post. Your transparency is heartwarming. It’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone expects from you, and feel pressured to be something different. But life is a journey, a unique one for each of us ❤️ Thanks for sharing.

    kesiaspoetry.com

    Liked by 1 person

  12. AC (@ashleyncraddock) says:

    I feel like this often! In your early twenties you don’t really stress about it too much but, when 25 comes to say hello you start panicking a little. I turn 26 in August and often times felt like I was so behind and I needed this-this and that, mainly because of my overly ambitious characteristic and partially because well, society kinda brainwashed us lol. However, I find it true as you get older you start realizing you actually have a lot of time left to still do everything that you strive to do. It’s also important to remind yourself of that consistently because it’s so easy to retract and start overwhelming yourself again! For myself and my boyfriend, we know we are still fairly young and although we want to get married and have children, I think enjoying our relationship and each other allows us to progress on our time and not everyone else’s. LOVED THIS. love your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

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